The ADD Housewife of Rural Iowa

Hiya Whipper Snappers! Today we have my blogging buddy Miss Sarah at The Sadder But Wiser Girl , featured as my guest blogger of the day! She keeps me in stitches on a regular basis, and her post today will have you cracking up! Luvya Miss Sarah!

Awhile back I was DESPERATE!  Desperate for some time away from blogging while I wrapped up a long term substitute teaching job.  Ginger came rushing to my aid and wrote me a great post that made a lot of people a little nostalgic for their high school prom.  Now I'm repaying the favor by writing a guest post for her.  I hope you enjoy it!


The ADD Housewife of Rural Iowa

He even has a Superman t-shirt.  He might as well wear it every day to work…

 

My husband, aka Evil Genius, works 4000 hours a week saving  the day pretty much every day.  He is an engineer for an agricultural company in Iowa, and apparently that's what they do.   Since he’s been on a couple of major projects at work, he gets up in the wee hours of the morning, drives an hour to and from work, and sleeps occasionally.  It makes sense that he’s a wee bit tired/grumpy/off his rocker these days. 
Meanwhile I’ve been a SAHM for a while other than a brief subbing job that I just finished.  Just because I stay at home does not mean 1) I have tons of time on my hands and 2) My house is neat and tidy.  This is because I am a horrible manager of my time.  I’m not a big fan of housework either, but I know when I just have to do it.  Time gets away from me and the next thing I know it’s after five and it’s time to get supper going.  Things get left undone and I feel horrible about this.
Yet I think that Evil Genius wonders what I really do all day while he’s gone, especially when he comes home to me not having done the things I SHOULD do.  I certainly don’t play video games like he does to pass the time.  He knows this.  But I wonder what HE thinks I do all day while he’s gone.  So naturally I wrote about, because that’s what I do.
(Keep in mind that no actual husbands were consulted for this post.  It’s all based upon a very scientific system that I use to surmise just what he’s thinking, called guessing.)

Wheeee!  Look at me!  This is what I do ALL DAY LONG…

 

*My day as I think Evil Genius probably sees it

I get The Professor up for school, then go back to sleep for the rest of the time he’s getting ready.
The Princess practices world domination while I doze on the couch.
The Professor heads off to school, I fall back to sleep.
I eat a well balanced breakfast of bon bons.
I play on the computer for 9 hours, telling everyone near and far about personal stuff I shouldn’t share.
I eat a snack-more bon bons.
I miss seventeen phone calls because I forgot to turn the ringer on my phone.
I laugh maniacally at the dishes piling up in the sink.
Lunch is whole grain pasta with cheese (no one eats bon bons for EVERY meal).
Whoah, I’m eating again-even more bon bons.
I play My Little Ponies and Hello Kitty legos with The Princess until the **cows come home.
I go diving in the mountain of laundry now residing in the living room.
I allow The Princess to run around like a wolverine all day, hair unbrushed, wearing only her underwear.
When The Professor arrives home, I give both kids large quantities of food so they won’t eat supper.
I plot the easiest and least exciting dinner ever, five minutes before Evil Genius arrives home.

Iron Maiden?  There are some strange things going on in my house…

 

How my day really goes

In the early, early, early morning I Iisten to Evil Genius's alarm go off 57 times.  I have dreams about smashing the alarm clock.
The Princess gets up at 6 am.  I tell her to go back to bed.  She comes in every five minutes wanting to know if it’s time to get up. I finally give in.
At 7 am I wake The Professor up for school.
I play a rousing game of “Please hurry up and eat” with The Professor.  He eats even slower.
I shove The Professor out the door and tell him to run so he won’t miss the bus.
I work on my blog, check social media, and look for a job.
I try to keep my eyes open as the same episode of Abby’s Flying Fairy School that has aired 5613 times   comes on.  AGAIN.
I put laundry in the washer, see the dishes in the sink and make a mental note to wash them later.
Macaroni and cheese is requested for lunch AGAIN.  Ok.
I conclude that Caillou really would be better off dead.
I work on my blog for a few minutes and check all my social media.
Once again I kick myself for not going to bed on time the night before, fall onto the couch and doze off. 
I make a foolish attempt to drag The Princess out for a walk. I remind her that when she’s five there will be no more stroller.  She's not buying it at all.
The Professor arrives home-healthy snacks are distributed.  This is when I realize that I never put the clothes in the dryer.
I work on all online stuff a little more.
I make a mad attempt at folding clothes.  They may or may not be put away.
I realize how close it is to suppertime and I finally start on the dishes.  I also try to figure out what we want/have ingredients on hand for supper. 
Evil Genius arrives home and I greet him with a smile and ask him how his day was.  There is incoherent grumbling and then he almost falls asleep in the chair with his laptop.  And here I thought love was dead…
So that’s what REALLY happens… Do you ever feel like you never get anything accomplished during the day?  Do you think your husband thinks you lay around all day eating bon bons?  Do you even know what a bon bon is?
*Remember my highly scientific system… guessing.
** Cows don’t actually come to your house in Iowa.  That only happens in Missouri.

Sarah The Sadder But Wiser Girl lays around the house in her pajamas and eats bon bons all day. She also writes a blog, which severely cuts into her bon bon eating time.  Visit her blog at http://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com and maybe stage an intervention on the whole bon bon eating thing.  She’ll thank you later.

Oh, she’s also a pretty pretty princess…


Thanks a bunch Miss Sarah! Be sure to give her some love, and follow her at

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