Thursday, August 30, 2012

Top 42 Things I have Learned So Far From Breaking My Leg

  1. Broken Legs hurt.  A lot.
  2. A broken parent must remain calm in an emergency, so as not to incite hysteria in her offspring.
  3. That my mother was right.  There is nothing like the sound of hearing your own bone break.
  4. When you break your leg, you still have to be the MOM, and deal with the emotional fallout.
  5. How to walk on "crotches" as my 4yo pronounces it.
  6. What the term "non weight bearing" means.
  7. That no drug store is open in the Outer Banks past 8pm.
  8. The amount of pain I can handle, that is not female or baby related.
  9. Good pain medicine makes me nauseous.
  10. Anti-nausea pills are approx 6 bucks apiece, and for large quantities, must be pre-approved by my insurance.
  11. Seriously? I got an obnoxious amount of pain pills, but the nausea pills are the ones that need pre-approved?
  12. Discovering immediately how to booty scoot up the stairs backwards(closely resembling a backwards crab walk).
  13. Remembering the long ago forgotten childhood skill of "bumping" down the stairs on your booty(while a second party elevates injured leg).
  14. How to push myself in a wheelchair.
  15. How to not forget to set the brakes on your wheelchair.
  16. How to navigate from wheelchair to crutches to bathroom, all the while squeezing like crazy, because you can no longer run when you really have to pee, and hoping and praying you make it in time.  Then when you make it, you have to balance your crutches so they do not fall over out of your reach, tug down your britches, elevate your leg/brace, all while balancing precariously on your one good leg, while you balance on the walls or sink and lower yourself onto the said bathroom device.
  17. How in all the madness of #11, not to get your britches stuck in your leg brace, or caught on the toilet seat.  Like wise, when standing up, not flipping the toilet seat up with you, because your pants/panties are stuck on or under it, while trying to stand on one foot, lift yourself off the pottie, etc.
  18. How to not let the brace fall down your leg into the floor, while attempting #s 11 and 12.
  19. That it is much safer to navigate or be navigated through any doorway or bump backwards, so as not to have a heart attack at the moment when the wheelchair stops and pitches forward.  That is if you don't actually get dumped out.
  20. The patience and absolute fearful trust relationship that you must have with anyone that pushes you in a wheelchair.
  21. The art of scoot pulling your self across the floor, to a couch or chair, and pulling yourself up into the chair with your arms and one good leg.
  22. How not to take a painful backwards Lipton Ice Tea Plunge fall, from losing your balance on the crutches. (Note to crutch users; pissed off and in a hurry don't work well with crutches!)
  23. How to turn tight corners, work both wheels at once, and spin in circles in a wheelchair. (Admit it, if you've ever been confined to or had to use a wheelchair, you've tried it too!)
  24. Crutches become your hands and feet. (You need to reach that tennis shoe? No problem, let me stick my crutch in it or through the loop and grab it for you!  That door needs closed? Let me use the top of my crutch here and lasso it to pull it shut for you.)
  25. Crutches and stairs are a combo that I will not ever willingly try. ( get up the one steep step into my house, I hopped out of the truck on my one good foot, hop, hop, hop, hop/turn around, land in wheelchair.  I than was wheeled down our long sidewalk to the step up to the four foot long porch, leading into our house.  We pulled the wheelchair up to the step, locked the brakes, I put good foot up on the step, and my husband and father cross grip pulled me up to standing.  I then crutched it into the house. To go back out to the doctor the following day, I was wheeled out to the edge of the porch step. locked the brakes, put my foot down on the ground, slid out of the seat, and stood up with my crutches.  My dad then brought the wheelchair down from the porch, sat me in it, and wheeled me to the truck.) Navigating stairs with crutches scare me.
  26. That you will get a mental workout from having to figure out how to best get yourself, your hardware, and your broken leg into a car or truck, without A-bending the leg, B-smacking it on the side of the car because you over or under shot the angle, and see how best to accommodate your leg for propping up, so as not to swell on all day return car trips from vacation! 
  27. Shower seats never fit in regular size bathtubs facing forward.  
  28. How to take a sideways shower, while figuring out how to not move the leg that your actually not suppose to have out of the brace for a shower, but you cannot stand to be dirty, so your doing it anyway, while you are desperately trying to bring your other leg up into a squat position on the edge of the tub, so that you can wash your girl bits. Yup exposed to the world is how.(Sorry for the disturbing mental image that is flashing through your mind right now!)
  29. Handicap hotel room shower accommodations are the bomb!
  30. After 3 days, you will do anything for a shower!
  31. Museums are the perfect thing to do when you break your leg!
  32. To do dishes, you stand on your one available leg, speed wash all the dishes you can until your leg starts to hurt, and feels like it's going to give out, then push through a few more dishes, come on girl you can do it, then collapse back into the wheelchair to rest for a few minutes, and prop your injured leg up. Repeat. Collapse. Prop. Repeat. Collapse. Prop.(until dishes are done).
  33. Your everything north of the broken leg will ache! 
  34. Your other leg will get buff, and you will wear one half of your new tennis shoes out by the time your leg heals.
  35. The entire foot and leg will swell bigger than you ever thought possible. Yes your toes can turn blue!
  36. If ever there was a time you needed your spouses phone to work and be charged, it will not be the one time you actually need them!
  37. You can convalesce anywhere! Even at the beach!
  38. Leg braces are a pain in the patootie!
  39. Ice actually feels good on a swollen leg that is broken! Who would have thought?
  40. The outpouring of love and help that is given and offered is overwhelming!
  41. I am reminded again, how much I love my husband, "In sickness and in health..."
  42. That my 4yo is an awesome and willing 'mommy's little helper'.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Beach Therapy

 The Bahamas, Paradise Island.  Atlantis Resort and Casino.  The vacation of a lifetime, a second time!  This is our absolute favorite vacation spot, ever.  It is magical from the moment you can see the beautiful turquoise water from the airplane window.  Then you zip through customs, give your luggage to the hotel porter, and are whisked away to your vehicle waiting to take you to heaven.  They give you wet towels to wipe your brow, and cold bottles of water for the thirty minute ride through town.  If your lucky the driver will even stop in the middle of traffic for you to take a picture of the local lighthouse! Then finally you get to the bridge that leads to paradise.  As you are driving along the expanse of the bridge, you begin to see a pink palace that resembles a sandcastle.  As you get closer, you can see the massive expanse of the resort named after that lost city under the sea.  You are in paradise.
   That is all.  What happens in paradise stays in paradise! Hah!
Beautiful Beaches, Awesome lazy river rapids ride, lunched with NFL player and his long term girlfriend, introduced Junkanoo Rushes to my tropical diet, cute pool boys, awesome alone time with my wonderful husband, went shopping, saw luxury boats bigger than most houses, massage, sat in a spa with naked women, and gossiped with the masseuse about famous people she has massaged! (Nick cage, NBA, NFL players, sickos that expected a piece or personal hand service!)  Also saw two famous tennis players arriving, and Michael Clark Duncan! This was in March....
   In June, my husband, daughter, father, our best family friend, and I went to the Outer Banks of North Carolina.  Hatteras Island, Waves, Salvo, Rodanthe, Avon, Duck, Frisco, Ocracoke Island, and Nags Head.  This has become our favorite family vacation beach.  It was a very special vacation that I will never forget.
   At the end of this week, my daughter, father, and I are going to the Outer Banks of North Carolina again.  Just the three of us.  It will again be a special vacation.  Family bonding time.  Time to wrap ourselves tighter together, and have fun, getting on with the business of living and enjoying life after losing a precious loved one last year, my mother.  So for the next ten to eleven days, I will be at the beach!  So in lieu of writing for you, I will leave you with some photos from my first two beach trips this summer!

The Bahamas Photo Tour

In the Bahamas, the trees are even shaped like Palm Trees!

The Outer Banks Photo Tour

                    If you find yourself bored, remember there is always water ballet and bikini watching!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Bravo to the Beautiful As I Am Campaign

I am in love with this photographer.  I was just thinking the other day, that the Dove campaign needed a significantly fluffier girl to represent in their ads.  As well as a tattooed lady, punk rocker girl, and other real women represented, not just the plus size(by the industries standard), still under sized toned models.  That they needed a picture in the same vein, but with more diverse shades of beautiful! Then I stumble across these phenomenal photos, and the photographer's photo campaign, Beautiful As I Am.  Her photographs are real women, they are like us, everyday ladies that love ourselves with our cottage cheese, stretch marks, rolls, tattoos, gauged ears, braids, and many other "imperfections".  They are beautiful. Their imperfections to society are beautiful to me.  I wish these photos had been around when I was raising my first teenage daughter, as she struggled with self image and self esteem, like most teenage girls do. I am going to share a couple of her photos with you. Well done May Faith Photography!

Here is the link to check out the rest of the photos in her campaign Beautiful As I Am Campaign.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Man Habits I Live With

  1. Leaving the toilet seat up
  2. Peeing on the seat
  3. Not replacing the TP when using the last of the roll
  4. Leaving dishes at the table
  5. Leaving your socks in the living room floor every night
  6. Leaving your clothes where they drop
  7. Hanging suits on chair in kitchen, chair in bedroom, Why not in closet?
  8. Not cleaning out the pockets of pants
  9. Refusing to use Q-Tips, but scratching your ear with anything that will fit in your ear(pens, keys, etc), and not cleaning off the earwax
  10. When I service you, and I can't even get a back rub
  11. The crazy eyebrows that grow to ridiculous lengths, that make you look like Mark Twain, or Albert Einstein(and the 2 nose hairs that put me in trimming  mode)
  12. Taking out your stressed out work attitude on me and the three year old, instead of leaving it at work
  13. When they are in a bad mood and pick a fight
  14. Eating spicy food, when they know it will upset their bellies, thus ruling out mommy-daddy time later
  15. Double Standards ( ie. work calls..I was expected to pick up immediately in front of a group of twenty trainees I was teaching, but he always says,"I have work to do, somebody has to, I can't talk on the phone all day!")
  16. Asking what's wrong, and keeping at it until you aggravate the crap out of me
  17. Leaving breakable glasses in the floor every night
  18. Insisting since you have to work tomorrow and don't get to take naps, that your sleep is more important
  19. When trying to talk about my SAHM frustrations, throwing in my face going back to work if I'm unhappy
  20. When I ask for something on the grocery list that you do not approve of, not getting it(big grrr)
  21. Saying I should have more girls days out, but when I plan one and tell you in advance, you complain about it, and then planning a cookout on the same day I am having my Girls day, which prompts multiple texts and calls from you..."the baby's awake..." what seriously? Can you not handle the three year old for three hours?
  22. Thinking that I can wear and walk in cute high heels knowing for 13 years now that I have messed up hobbit feet that are not conducive to walking in high heels for more than 100 yards
  23. Telling your mom our business before you tell me
  24. Leaving all of our Tupperware at work
  25. When you are sick, the world is ending, nobody in the history of the world was ever sicker than you are right now, big baby...but when momma is sicky or hurty, oh well, life goes on
  26. Back rubs are not reciprocal 
  27. Leaves mowing grass shoes and associated grass clumps in and all over the house, after I have just swept 
  28. When I cook, I get to cook and clean up the dishes, but when he cooks, he leaves the dishes for me, and grease and food all over the stove, part of my SAHM duties I guess...turn about is not fair play in the kitchen(he does do the majority of the cooking, since I cannot peel an apple without losing skin!)
  29. Telling me you want me to be like I was when i was younger, ready to hop in the sack at anytime, wearing you out...well bucko, I am older, I am chasing around, entertaining, and teaching your child night and day, keeping your house clean, laundry done, dishes washed, and was on medication that reduces libido.  I also had un-plannable crap that free flowed outta my hoo hoo whenever it felt like it, since I had major female surgery in January, after almost dying in December.  Not to mention my mother died at Thanksgiving last year, and then five months later you moved me to Kentucky! Why wouldn't I want to jump your bones every second of the day? See above 28 other reasons...
   Now let it be stated, I am married to the most wonderful, giving, caring, loving husband in the whole wide world.  I know I have habits that he too, finds aggravating.  Neither of us are perfect, but we are dedicated to making it work.  Laughing together is the best medicine. I am glad that he puts up with me, because I get bitchy and grumpy too.  My Nana once told me, you don't want to find somebody you cannot live without, but someone you can live with.  So I have made peace with these man habits of my beloved.  I can live with them and him.

*NOTE: This was written in March, and has just been given the husband seal of approval!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Lucky Birthday Girl

My last post was about the dreading of my birthday, because it was my first birthday without my mother.  I am happy to report that there were minimal tears, and I had a wonderful day filled with those that love me.  I did have a tear filled cry when I spoke with my Nana, my mother's mother, because she truly understands the loss of my mother like no one else can.  She, my mother, and I used to be a threesome.  We were all best friends.  We did everything together.

   My mother in law (MeeMee)knows what I have been through, better than anyone aside from my father, and my husband.  She has been there for me since the day my mom died.  She has been there for me and with me on almost every monthly anniversary of my mom's passing.  Yesterday was no different.  She made plans to come down to Kentucky(from where she lives in W.Va.)and take me shopping, because that is what my mom would have done.  She enlisted help and the best babysitter in the world, her mother, my daughter's great grandmother.  She is crazy about Hayden, my almost four year old.  So they came down yesterday, bearing a cake, candles, cards, and deviled eggs.  Mamaw's specialty!  So off we went to go shopping.  I found a beautiful quilted wall hanging, with our wedding scripture beautifully done in embroidery. My mother in law bought it for me along with the matching wall hanger. We had a great time, and my husband met us for lunch.  My daughter ended up with birthday presents too! Her birthday is exactly a week after mine. We agreed that it was much funner to shop for little ones!                                                                                   

    When we returned, My daughter had made a birthday card for me and also had a balloon for me.  She wanted to put candles in the cake and help me blow them out. I then received a rousing three year old rendition of Happy Birthday(for the third time), accompanied by my MIL and GMIL.  Mamaw(GMIL) had done the dishes, which was not necessary!  Mamaw then gave me a card and wham money from she and her husband. Then they left to go back to W.Va., to avoid evening traffic! Then I called my Nana to chat and have a little cry.
   The three year old and I had just laid down for a much needed nap, when a strange number rang my cell phone.  I answered it, and it was the local florist asking directions to our house.  So the three year old and I trotted to the door, because the deliveryman was in the neighborhood.  I received the most beautiful
red roses from my father.  Hayden, my three year old, who will have her birthday party on Saturday(three days after my birthday), also received flowers.  She received four perfect red roses from my dad, her Grandpa.  When she held the vase, she said,"oh wow...I never got flowers before!"  So sweet of my daddy!  So then I told her the story.  The story of how when I was four and my mother got flowers from my father for Valentine's Day, I said," How come I didn't get any flowers?"  Well mom and I were his special girls, so starting that year, when I was four, my daddy sent me flowers on my birthday.  He has sent me flowers each year on my birthday ever since.  So I told my daughter how very special she was to be getting from flowers from Grandpa for her birthday!  A beloved tradition for a new generation. It was so very special  that my daddy remembered and sent her roses for her fourth birthday.  Just like me when I was turning four!  It meant so much to me!  She is too young to understand the significance now, but I will tell her when she is older. Mom was smiling down on him and us from heaven. Mom and I were always my Daddy's girls. Now that my mother is no longer with us, Hayden and I are his special girls.  So my mother too, had a part in my birthday. 
  My husband took me out to dinner the night before my birthday, and he and my daughter had gotten me flowers in our wedding colors, red, orange, and yellow, earlier in the week.  He also took us out to dinner on my birthday, and bought me a new bottle of  yummy smelling perfume.  He also took me to my twenty year class reunion a week and a half before my birthday, where we spent way to much money! I must say I am definitely blessed in the man department! I have a super sweet, thoughtful , loving, husband who always puts me first, and spoils me rotten!  I also have a super sweet, thoughtful, loving daddy, who likes to spoil me too! I am also blessed to have such a sweet, caring, thoughtful mother in law, who puts everyone before herself, and takes care of us all.  It was awesome of her to plan something for my birthday in advance, without my little one, out of the house, with family who understood, who I could cry with if I needed to.  And she wanted me to have a special present that meant something to me! Thank God for her and her efforts to make sure I had a super awesome day!  It meant more than she will ever know! I would like to also mention what a sweet, caring, thoughtful grandmother in law I have.  She also, like her daughter, wanted to make sure I had an awesome day on my birthday!
  So there are a few other late night unmentionable presents that I received from dear old hubbie, that I will not mention in this blog, but they were much appreciated!  I would like to thank everyone who took part big or small, in making sure I had a wonderful birthday, this first year without my mother.  I love each and every one of you more than words can express with a simple 'thank you'.  I am blessed to have so many people who care so much about me in my life.  I am very thankful!  I am a lucky girl!