The Amazing Grilled Cheese Catastrophe

So I was going to post a humerous parody of my cooking abilities, to thumb my nose at those oh so domestic divas who are blessed with culinary ability.  Because I am not! Well then this is what actually happened! It figures! I was not meant to be in the kitchen.  Except to do dishes.  I do some mean dishes!

First I was thinking up a cutsey bloggie food title like, Grilled Cheese; Hearts on Fire, or something equally as cute. Hah! Little did I know!  I am making the samdwiches sandwiches, obviously I cannot spell anymore, been a SAHM too long. Dammit! So I go to butter the bread on both sides, and get butter all over my hand.  What did I forget that this is what happens? I obviously have a perfect case of mommy brain.  So I throw, aka gently lay, the sandwich in the pan.  I did actually get the cheese in the middle freaking first! Mommy-1 vs Grilled Cheese-0.  I start thinking daydreaming about my next million dollar idea ie. a new invention/idea that would make a million dollars. I need to invent something that would flip the sandwich, while holding it, allowing the user to butter/baste the other side! If only!

 I lay the heart shaped cookie cutters out on the stove to make cutesy little heart shapes out of my Punkin Doo's lunch.

Stop judging me Mr Plastic Gingerbread Man!

 

So then I go about making the next sandwich.  Oh crap! I forgot about flipping the first sandwich! So here is how the first side turned out! EEK!

 

Craptastic!

 

Then the small, honestest human comes into the kitchen and asks," grilled cheese? But I wanted mac n noodles! You can't burn mac n noodles!" Touche' lil one touche'. She pulls the full blown mommy guilt trip, since she has been sick all week.  It works.  I did not want anymore puke to deal with! You want mac n noodles kiddo? Okee dokee you got it! Not a bad idea since mommy obviously cannot keep from burning the grilled cheese.  Sheese!

 

Who can resist that face? Especially when it's been coughy, sick and pukey all week! Aw crap! I forgot to get the other sandwich out of the pan! Where am I today? Especially while I am trying to cook! Space cadet! I swear I am not blonde, but I could be!  White and silver under my bought hair people, since I was 21. Sooooo, here is what the first sandwich ended up looking like, because in my hurry to remove it from the pan, it is so melted, the top starts to slide off, and I grab it with my fingers, and burn my fingers.  Dammit.

 

 

 

 

 

So while Punkin Doo's little diversionary tactic worked, it also caused me to mis-flop the next sandwich into the pan.

 

 

So Thank Goodness for tubs of butter like this one, eh? The Industrial size for mom who don't cook. Extra butter for grilled cheese catastrophes.

 Plus I think my giant tub o butter looks extra freaking cool! Okay, mommybrain interuptus again. Back to the previously scheduled post!

 

 

Anyone notice that the first and second sandwich are on different breads? Yeah baby, the second one is on white, and I thought I would challenge myself for the kid not to be able to tell the difference when they were both cooking.  Not a chance! She doesn't care! We eat wheat, but acquired a lone white bread loaf somehow, so I thought I would change it up.  Couldn't tell in the end though, because both were black, hah!

 

Anyway, back to the catastrophe. I get the second, only slightly burned on one side out of the pan. Avoided manhandling this one.  As I go to use the cookie cutter to punch out a heart. I realize I have not used it on anything but cold sandwiches.  Not on anything hot.  That's because it's metal and it burns! Especially when the still liquid, on fire, like 1000 degree cheese comes squishing out the hole in the cookie cutter onto my finger. Burn baby, burn! Who makes holes in cookie cutter shapes anyhow? They are antique, soooooo that may have something to do with it! Brilliant!

 

So as I said before, slightly burned.

 

So I scoop the heart onto the plate of the 4yo and proceed to cut apples.  I had to cut up two apples to even get a half an apple that was still good on the inside! Ack.  My kitchen has a conspiracy against me I tell you.

 

So here is the finished product.  Of which the 4yo immediately flipped over the heart and pointed out to me it was burned.  SO I picked it up, picked off the top, and folded it in half.  Wah La! Lunch is served! Courtesy of the Catastrophic Chef.

 

 

Don't forget to drop by Tattler Thursday Blog Hop tomorrow! Bring your funniest kid story!