Kid Cooties

A great big thank you to everyone who dropped by and hopped yesterday! It was awesome! Rocked my lil bloggy socks off! Also thank you to my two super fabulous co-hostesses with the mostess-iss...Miss Cristyl over at CHillThoughts ,and Miss Joy over at ComfyTown Chronicles ! You ladies rock!

On to our regularly scheduled post.....

So today was the first day we ventured out of the house, after the sickness.  It was errand day.  Paid rent, picked up prescriptions at the drugstore, went to the store, got gas, and went to the library. Errand day. Grown up schtuff.

 So while hanging at the local library, sitting in my rocking chair in the children's section, resting my weary rump from all of our runnings around, the following events occur that I am absolutely sure will lead to my untimely demise.

The 4yo precocious princess, otherwise known as my little Punkin Doo, is playing with the well stocked play kitchen after we have picked out our books and videos for the week. She is making me trays of pretend food.  It is lunchtime, and I have been running the final countdown on her, before we need to leave.  I am trying to avoid a LPD hunger meltdown, to which we are getting precariously closer.

After pretend-eating the fourth tray of food with sandwiches, dessert, vegetables, fruit, pretzels, cheeses, and drinking many glasses of tea, strawberry water, milk, pop, and juice, I think I have to pretend pee! So I tell LPD it is time to go, she manipulates me into staying to pretend-eat one more pretend tray of food.  Aaahhh! I am pretend-stuffed already and ready for a pretend real nap! Sucka mommy!

So it is now, when I am waiting on pretend food preparation, that it happens.  I am scrolling through FB on my phone, and when I look up, LPD is in my face with a slice of pretend-watermelon, and shoves it in my mouth. EEEWWWW! For a second I am totally grossed out! And today of all days I forgot the hand sanitizer! But wait, hand sanitizer wouldn't work anyway. It's not safe to put INSIDE your mouth where the cooties have already been! Silly mommy! I need a mommy medicine remedy to burn out the cooties.  The kind with the goose in it.  The grey one! Hah!

 Then I remember I am a mommy, with little eyes watching.  And why did this start to freak me anyway? I just survived the great family puke and poop splosion of 2013 last week! All hands in! Up to the elbows! Then we have the lecture about not putting plastic pretend food in our all too real mouths that are susceptible to other kid cooties. Yeah sometimes I forget I am the mom, not the kid. {Sigh} Except for spiders! I get to be the kid when it comes to spiders!  I have effectively trained the 4yo to stomp and squish the little bastardos. Go LPD, GO! Hate spiders. Nuff said.

Kid cooties are the devil. Betcha that one comes back to bite me on the arse! But alas, watch out you little cootie covered devil spawn, I left MOMMY COOTIES on the watermelon! Bahahaha! Right back atcha you little sputtering, coughing, sneezing, slobbering, chewing on, dirty paws all over, oversharing of germs, whiny  little cootie factories!

A little while later(proof the cooties are moving through my body...fever induced lunch art...)

Score! Slaughtered! See? Kid cooties atwork  on your brain!