Friday, March 22, 2013

Snot Wars and Other Adventures; A Day in the Life">Follow my blog with Bloglovin!

Lately I have been a little cosmically overwhelmed by the multitude of life changing exceptionally craptastic events happening in my life.  So much so, that I, the one who never shuts up, has been rendered virtually, cyber-speechless.  In  other words, so as not to get everyone down, or be a Debbie Downer, spread all of my families craptastic karma, put some seriously private life events out there, ruin others careers, or to tarnish my ever so squeaky clean positivity, I have not written a good heartfelt post in a while.  Not to mention, I HAVE A 4YO! We are hanging in there, even before the multiple events of this week, we were already in the middle of Crapupon city. Self preservation mode is the name of the game.  It has been since before Christmas.  We are hanging in there, through all the ridiculous effing shit, that all of the formers in our lives feel the need to trial and tribulate us with. We are good , thanks for asking.  We have been forced to hunker down and reach our inner Zen like peace with ourselves, each other, and focus on what's really important, us.  Our family. We will be okay, we can get through anything together, us together against the world!  Duh da da duh duuuh! Super Snaps!  There, see? Perfectly righteous explanation without busting anybody out, or revealing to you, the extremely ridiculous forced goings on in our life as of late! So on to the not so crappy, what you've all been waiting for, the actual post, the positivity part, my joy(4yo), and the hilarity.


A Day in the Life

-The 4yo had been anxiously awaiting the premier of a new Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode, Quest For the Crystal Mickey.  This particular morning was the morning of the premier.   It's like Twilight-ophobia or  Potter-itis for the 1-5yo set. So I woke my sweet sleeping princess, from her deep sleep, to attend the premier.  She had been looking forward to it for two weeks.  Everyday she asked if it was time for the new MMC episode yet, or is today the day The Quest for the Crystal Mickey comes on?  So I woke her, and we watched the newest fabulousness from MMC.  She adored the new episode! So we watched it again! Kid repetitive-itis anyone? If you have a kid, I know you know what I am talking about!
-Shoveling 4yo,s breakfast into her mouth, while she watched her show, because apparently  temporary paralysis sets in, when in front of MMC, watching a new episode.
-Next up was today's pre-k activities, The letter K, letter sounds, and working on sounding out words.
-Then it was time to play Dragonland, my daughter's made up game of dragon inter-dragon communication, complete with mini-plastic dragons.
-For kicks and giggles, we wrestled around on the bed, and she climbed on my back to play 'horsey'.  Apparently I have become a horse named Nora! I do not profess to know where she gets this stuff!
-We then took back rides around the house.
-Human London Leg Bridge was up next.
-Sorting and putting in laundry is next on the list.

-"I want a guinea pig!"-4yo
"Where did you see someone that has a pet guinea pig?"-Mom
"On Gaspar and Lisa!"-4yo
"Well do you know how much work it is to take care of a pet? Did you know that you have to clean up their poop, and feed them? Did you know you have to give them a bath and play with them? ALL the time?"-Mom
"Ooohhh...(blink, blink)Welluh, maybe I don't want one yet.  Maybe when I'm a little older!"-4yo

-Washing of the dishes.
-Next up was teaching the 4yo how not to be ticklish, when being tickled.

-Then Hubbie the Dearest calls," Where have you been??? Why have you been ignoring my calls? Have you checked the mail yet???"
"I have been playing, teaching, washing, laundering and watching.  Sorry I forgot to turn the phone off of vibrate!"-Mom

-"Can we talk about Star Wars VI? Why does Luke fight his Daddy , and beat and kill him?"-4yo
"Because he does.  Ask your father."-Mom(oopsie, Hub and I fell asleep during a SW marathon, and she stayed awake! So she saw that before Christmas...and we are still getting ?s)

-"Mommy, I know what the force is!"-4yo
"Really? What?"-Mom
"It's when you put your hand up, and you can make things come to you without picking them up!"(envision child with one hand up and shaking it while squinting eyes to focus really hard, all while making the poopie concentration face)-4yo
"Put your hand up..."-4yo
"okay..."-Mom(puts hand up)
(as she runs into my hand, and arms)"See, that's what the force is!"(LMBO)

-Discovering that my precocious 4yo has not drawn on her walls, but on her art table.  When asked about this, she replies," I needed somewhere bigger to draw!"
-During letter M and m writing practice," Momma! Those look like bewwwbies! HeeHeeHee!"(the humps on the little m) Lord help her Kindergarten teacher!

-The Snot Wars. A NEVER. ENDING. BATTLE.  4yo-"I don't like snot on me!" Mom-{thought bubble} So why do you keep wiping the snot across your cheek, across your face, into your hair, on your sleeve, onto your arm, on my shirt, on my jammies, her nightgown, on daddy's shirt, on the floor, and anywhere else that it is not humanly possible for me to reach before she smears her nose slime on! ARGH! I always hated messy kids, especially ones with snotty noses and crusties, but recently, I have given up! My kid has been, for the duration of her most recent runny nose(*remnant of her most recent flu bout*)that kid with the never ending snotty nose.  You wipe it, more squishes out! So all of the events of this particular day in our lives, was also while constant snot battling! AND, she wont stick a tissue up her nose to get it all out.  Aaaahhhh she's a tried and true wiper!

So I finally hop in the shower, thinking I was going to get 15 minutes of peace and quiet due to a re-run of Quest for the Crystal Mickey, when I am scared half to death.  I nearly jump out of my skin, when I feel a hand reach through the shower curtain for me.  Then I jerk open my eyes, and the same little hand pokes me as I scream! ARGH! "4yo(insert name here)" I fuss, "STOP!  It's not nice to do tha....(as she pokes me again)STOP! GO WATCH MMC! NOW!" All to the sound of magical, tinkling, I gotcha Mom, uncontrollable giggles! After I calmed down, I giggled too!

-After my shower, it was lunchtime.  I go about making lunch, and as we sit down at the table to eat, I look up and there is a giant stink bug on the top of my kitchen windowsill. Ugh, creepy crawlies. Shiver. He is unreachable.  So I am watching him as he crawls ever closer to his undeniable demise.  He stops for a minute and appears to look at me, or re-think his deadly path across and down the windowsill to me. He was a brave little stinkbug, he crawled down to where I could reach him, and whack, I took a swing.  I only succeeded in taking his legs off.  Panic set in, OH NO! I thought! I have never encountered the rumored stink of a stink bug, but people on FB complain about it all the time, so it must be so(wink)!  So I frantically search for his little legless body, and find him on my ivory covered chair.  I paused for a quick second to contemplate the mess (vs.) the stink, and the mess won! I am happy to conclude that I got him before he got me!

-I finally made my ham sandwich for lunch.  Staring up at me was a heart shape in the center of the ham.  I was forced to wonder if there was a vegan working in a butcher shop somewhere, secretly begging for us all to spare the pigs, or if it was a message from God. To remember to laugh in the midst of all the craziness? Maybe the worker simply wanted me to have a great day? Maybe all pigs insides are heart shaped? Strange, this moment of forced, universal/pig contemplation. Absurd, it must be...anyway it forced me to pause, and say,"aaww, there's a heart in my ham!"

-After lunch I go to throw away our lunch remnants and paper towels, and there is a ladybug climbing out of the bag. More bugs.  Greeeeaat!

-As I was starting to make lunch, I hear Mickey asking his usual line at the beginning of every MMC episode," Would you like to come inside my clubhouse?" Which is kind of creepy if you think about it, a la, Buffalo Bill and his white van, in Silence of the Lambs(my fav).  I hear the 4yo responding," Yes, to get away from my bad guy momma!" (For not taking her to the park on that windy, cold, 39 degree winter day!)

-I am doing the lunch and breakfast dishes.  I am treated to the 4yo suddenly screaming, louder than the running water one room away"Accelerando!" In 32 different ways, all with a different emphasis point! All at the top of her lungs! Thanks little Einsteins!

-I then inform little miss punkin doo that it is now time for a nap. Period.
She responds," Mom, we need to talk.   I am not a good napper.  I want to get into other kid stuff..."
Followed by,"AND NO RUNNING ERRANDS! I HATE RUNNING ERRANDS! AND I ALSO HATE NAPS, I just like to play, and, I want to write a story...on your computer!" SO who do you think NEEDS a nap? Right, ME and her!
 So we climb into bed, and three minutes later, she has to poop.  SO I tell her to holler when she is done.  I hear,"Mommy......"
Mommy-"Yes dear?"
4yo-"Hurry, there's a bug on the ceiling..."
Mommy-"Seriously? Are you done or trying to get out of nappie-time?"
4yo-"No Mommy, there is really a bug!"
Mommy-"Okay, I am coming!"
DRAT, there is another stinkin' stink bug on the ceiling! Bugs seem to come in twos around here! Geez! I hate bugs!
Bathroom diversion conversation, how 4yo will learn how to act like a little lady...
4yo-"I DON"T WANNA be a lady!"

-Went to store for dinner
-Return home to devouring of chocolate easter bunny butts, and sock skating across the kitchen/living room floor! All before dinner! And did I mention the other 400 questions 4yo's ask every day? R.I.G.H.T! Parenthood isn't for those who lack extreme patience, or for the weak!

Hope you all enjoyed a day in our wild and wonderful world!


  1. Bummer that life is socking it to you right now. Sorry.

    A vegan in a butcher had me rolling! Just got Return of the Jedi in the mail today!! I believe a marathon is in my future...a Star Wars marathon, definitely not the running kind! :)

  2. Your 4 yr old sounds so much like my Lola, she's 3. She loves to play Lions and "fly like a frog" which means I lay on my back and she lays on my legs, 'flying' all over the place. And I HEAR YOU on the runny nose stich! My 1 yr old has been re-nicknamed "BoogerBubble" for obvi reasons. COme on SPRING and SUMMER!!!

    1. Hah! That reminds me of a frog story from the library today! The librarian was telling a story about a frog, and she asked," So how do YOU guys think a frog would laugh?" There were your normal range of answers, and then my lil punkin doo, raises her hand, is called upon, and says," Like Darth Vader!" Bahahaha!