My 4yo Living Christmas Tree

So there I am in the shower.  A blissfully uninterrupted shower.  I can hear my 4yo playing in the living room around our Christmas tree.  Then She comes in and asks,"Momma, can you smell me?"  Oh dear!  So let's rewind a couple of days shall we?
  I had my last doctor's appointment regarding my broken leg last Thursday.  I was given permission to walk.  Words I have been waiting since August the eighteenth, when I broke my knee and leg, rather badly, in two places, to hear(still crutches and cane as needed during therapy).  So I was jumping(ie walking) for joy!  So my daddy met me at my doctors appointment, and we went to have a celebratory lunch after.  After all, it was him and my daughter I was with, when on a family beach vacation, when I fell and started this journey!  So it was appropriate that we were celebrating together!  He brought me a singing feel better frog equipped with a right leg brace(purple of course)and a crutch, and a Yankee candle that I had wanted, that smelled like pine and Christmas.  He also bought me two Yankee candle room sprays.  One that smelled like Christmas, and one that smelled like pine!  I love my daddy!  So fast forward back to today in the bathroom.
   So to answer the 4yo's question, yes I can smell her.  She smells rather strongly, like a gigantic Christmas Tree!  Normally this would pose no problem.  She did not get it in her eyes or her mouth, so wer'e all good right?  Wrong!  We are going to meet my mother in law and oldest daughter for lunch and winter formal shopping with daddy(my husband has the best taste in the family, with eldest daughter a close second.) Shouldn't be a problem right? Wrong!  My mother in law is smell sensitive.  She is allergic to any candles, lotion, perfume, room spray, you get the picture.  So dragging a huggy 4yo who smells strongly like a christmas tree may pose a problem.  We are talking, when we were out of town together in June, she gave us the keys to their truck, and opted not to go with us to dinner, because she was hacking and coughing because I put on perfume.  It is not her fault, but smells make her deathly ill, and give her a migraine.  Albeit, she is a little dramatic at times with the coughing and gagging, but she really is sensitive.  Which has been a learning curve for me , because I come from one big like to excercise out right to perfume family.  So I am now no longer enjoying my solo uninterrupted shower, I am mentally brainstorming a way to tone down and cover  the tree smell.  When I get out of the shower for the first time in four months on two feet, I do no happy happy dance of joy to celebrate, instead I am brainstorming how to not shower, but un-pine spray my child.  Yes MIL is allergic to Febreze too.
   So after clean clothes, powdering my child, lotioning to try to cover up the smell, and taking time to breath and get dressed, we are ready to go and meet the MIL and sissy the oldest.  I can no longer detect the odor.  Hopefully MIL won't be able to either!  We shall see!  If she does, I promise to take a picture of the face that is sure to ensue at my little 4yo living Christmas Tree.

Even More Things I Have learned From Breaking My Leg

1. How not to bruise your hands when navigating through doorways.
2. How to balance breakfast and lunch on your elevated and braced leg while in a wheelchair.                                                                                                                             
3. This broken leg thing sucks!                                     
4. How to calculate the exact angles and distance required to open the refrigerator door.
5. How to balance the 4yo on your lap while in the wheelchair, without touching the broken leg.
6. How to get ones purse or bag off of the back of the wheelchair.
7. How to hold ones phone and walk on crutches at the same time.
8. How to successfully get in and out of he front door, and navigate the step with a crutch /chair combo.
9. That there is no charge for a wheelchair hanger.  However there is a charge for replacements.  Like these are hot ticket theft items? Who knew?                                      
10. That even if one possesses a wheelchair hanger, that there will never be a handicap spot open.
11. How to run over one's own foot(the good one) while in the wheelchair.
12. To never wait until the last minute to go to the bathroom, there is no hurrying with crutches or a wheelchair.
13. That when you do postpone the ordeal of going to the bathroom, there will inevitably be a down lid, the lifted seat, or pee on the seat, that will require the extra three seconds, that would have allowed you to just make it in time. Need I say more?
14. That on one side of the street is a wheelchair ramp, and when one gets across the crosswalk, there are stairs...wtf? Seriously?
15. That the people  who design handicap bathrooms have NEVER spent time in a wheelchair.  I mean seriously, how am I suppose to turn around, hop out, navigate , hop, get over the foot and leg rests, and how is my 4yo suppose to have room to  trade me sides? Further more, in accessible stalls, when on crutches, a fold down seat would be nice for the mommas precariously balancing on one foot, who have to wait 20 minutes on their darling child's stories , singing , etc to poop. Mommas break bones too, and it doesn't get us out of poop duty!
16. How very much I value my removable shower head and shower chair(that my darling father figured out how to adjust, so it would fit facing forward)!
17. That people will, rather conspicuously I might add,circle you in your wheelchair or on crutches three times, just to get a good look at what is wrong with you. Outright gawking. Just ask and I will be happy to tell you what happened, but stop already with the staring, your starting To freak me out that your a pedophile,  and serial killer or rapist that preys on the disabled, and small children(cause it's not like I could chase you).
18. That all doors(without the handicap electronic button)are a pain in the ass.
19. That it is impossible to reach the back half of the bottom dishwasher rack while seated in a wheelchair with your broken leg elevated.
20. That climbing is impossible, especially into your 4yo's princess bunk bed.
21. That I hate missing Fall, going outside everyday, and all the activities in that season(ie pumpkin Patch, corn maze, trick or treating, the Pumpkin House, etc)that are not conducive to crutches or wheelchairs.
22. Running over my toe again this morning with my own wheelchair, yes, while seated in it! Ouch!                                  
23. That the wheelchair has become a new toy tunnel for the 4yo to crawl under, when it"s blocking her path.
24. Still working on the how to navigate without hitting the doors, molding, walls, and not leaving black wheel rub marks everywhere.
25. That spiders on the wheelchair freak me out.
26. That the Titanic may not have been 'unsinkable' but the Titanic Museum broke my wheelchair.
27. That cable ties fix anything, even the wheelchair that the Titanic broke.
28. That old time photo places are experts at knowing how to dress up your wheelchair.                          
29. That driving is an impossibility when your right leg is broken.
30. That balancing your crutches on you and your wheelchair can be done when the footrest is broken off(from your darling hubbie playing in it), however difficult, while rolling yourself around. (Normally one balances the crutches on the footrest and opposite shoulder, while rolling, or has family member who broke the footrest off carry said crutches.)
31. That my next million dollar idea will be a crutch cup holder, and velcro on crutch bag for carrying things. Because lets be honest, other than stuffing things in your bra, there is no good way to carry things while on crutches.
32. That your insurance carrier will always wait until something catastrophic happens to request a certificate for proof of coverage from your previous carrier, no matter how long it has been!(a year and a half) They will try to get out of paying for anything!
33. That I love being able to bend my brace, knee and leg again!  Even if it's only forty degrees, some semblance of semi-normal sex is possible again! That's what I'm talking about! Whoo Hoo! And no, there will be no accompanying photo for that one!
34. The WalMart electric buggies are the bomb! 

Top 42 Things I have Learned So Far From Breaking My Leg

1. Broken Legs hurt.  A lot.
2. A broken parent must remain calm in an emergency, so as not to incite hysteria in her offspring.
3. That my mother was right.  There is nothing like the sound of hearing your own bone break.
4. When you break your leg, you still have to be the MOM, and deal with the emotional fallout.
5. How to walk on "crotches" as my 4yo pronounces it.
6. What the term "non weight bearing" means.
7. That no drug store is open in the Outer Banks past 8pm.
8. The amount of pain I can handle, that is not female or baby related.
9. Good pain medicine makes me nauseous.
10. Anti-nausea pills are approx 6 bucks apiece, and for large quantities, must be pre-approved by my insurance.
11. Seriously? I got an obnoxious amount of pain pills, but the nausea pills are the ones that need pre-approved?
12. Discovering immediately how to booty scoot up the stairs backwards(closely resembling a backwards crab walk).
13. Remembering the long ago forgotten childhood skill of "bumping" down the stairs on your booty(while a second party elevates injured leg).
14. How to push myself in a wheelchair.
15. How to not forget to set the brakes on your wheelchair.
16. How to navigate from wheelchair to crutches to bathroom, all the while squeezing like crazy, because you can no longer run when you really have to pee, and hoping and praying you make it in time.  Then when you make it, you have to balance your crutches so they do not fall over out of your reach, tug down your britches, elevate your leg/brace, all while balancing precariously on your one good leg, while you balance on the walls or sink and lower yourself onto the said bathroom device.
17. How in all the madness of #11, not to get your britches stuck in your leg brace, or caught on the toilet seat.  Like wise, when standing up, not flipping the toilet seat up with you, because your pants/panties are stuck on or under it, while trying to stand on one foot, lift yourself off the pottie, etc.
18. How to not let the brace fall down your leg into the floor, while attempting #s 11 and 12.
19. That it is much safer to navigate or be navigated through any doorway or bump backwards, so as not to have a heart attack at the moment when the wheelchair stops and pitches forward.  That is if you don't actually get dumped out.
20. The patience and absolute fearful trust relationship that you must have with anyone that pushes you in a wheelchair.
21. The art of scoot pulling your self across the floor, to a couch or chair, and pulling yourself up into the chair with your arms and one good leg.
22. How not to take a painful backwards Lipton Ice Tea Plunge fall, from losing your balance on the crutches. (Note to crutch users; pissed off and in a hurry don't work well with crutches!)
23. How to turn tight corners, work both wheels at once, and spin in circles in a wheelchair. (Admit it, if you've ever been confined to or had to use a wheelchair, you've tried it too!)
24. Crutches become your hands and feet. (You need to reach that tennis shoe? No problem, let me stick my crutch in it or through the loop and grab it for you!  That door needs closed? Let me use the top of my crutch here and lasso it to pull it shut for you.)
25. Crutches and stairs are a combo that I will not ever willingly try. (example...to get up the one steep step into my house, I hopped out of the truck on my one good foot, hop, hop, hop, hop/turn around, land in wheelchair.  I than was wheeled down our long sidewalk to the step up to the four foot long porch, leading into our house.  We pulled the wheelchair up to the step, locked the brakes, I put good foot up on the step, and my husband and father cross grip pulled me up to standing.  I then crutched it into the house. To go back out to the doctor the following day, I was wheeled out to the edge of the porch step. locked the brakes, put my foot down on the ground, slid out of the seat, and stood up with my crutches.  My dad then brought the wheelchair down from the porch, sat me in it, and wheeled me to the truck.) Navigating stairs with crutches scare me.
26. That you will get a mental workout from having to figure out how to best get yourself, your hardware, and your broken leg into a car or truck, without A-bending the leg, B-smacking it on the side of the car because you over or under shot the angle, and see how best to accommodate your leg for propping up, so as not to swell on all day return car trips from vacation! 
27. Shower seats never fit in regular size bathtubs facing forward.  
28. How to take a sideways shower, while figuring out how to not move the leg that your actually not suppose to have out of the brace for a shower, but you cannot stand to be dirty, so your doing it anyway, while you are desperately trying to bring your other leg up into a squat position on the edge of the tub, so that you can wash your girl bits. Yup exposed to the world is how.(Sorry for the disturbing mental image that is flashing through your mind right now!)
29. Handicap hotel room shower accommodations are the bomb!
30. After 3 days, you will do anything for a shower!
31. Museums are the perfect thing to do when you break your leg!
32. To do dishes, you stand on your one available leg, speed wash all the dishes you can until your leg starts to hurt, and feels like it's going to give out, then push through a few more dishes, come on girl you can do it, then collapse back into the wheelchair to rest for a few minutes, and prop your injured leg up. Repeat. Collapse. Prop. Repeat. Collapse. Prop.(until dishes are done).
33. Your everything north of the broken leg will ache! 
34. Your other leg will get buff, and you will wear one half of your new tennis shoes out by the time your leg heals.
35. The entire foot and leg will swell bigger than you ever thought possible. Yes your toes can turn blue!
36. If ever there was a time you needed your spouses phone to work and be charged, it will not be the one time you actually need them!
37. You can convalesce anywhere! Even at the beach!
38. Leg braces are a pain in the patootie!
39. Ice actually feels good on a swollen leg that is broken! Who would have thought?
40. The outpouring of love and help that is given and offered is overwhelming!
41. I am reminded again, how much I love my husband, "In sickness and in health..."
42. That my 4yo is an awesome and willing 'mommy's little helper'.