Walking Through Fire

Today I want to tell you a story about a friend of mine.  A friend and her family. I went to school with a girl, her name is Heather. She already had children when she met the love of her life John. They got married recently. John found his family, and they found John. Welcome to their almost not so happy ever after.

                                       

John had to have surgery to remove a tumor on his back. His recovery took longer than expected. He resigned from work, because he was not expected, by the doctors, to be able to return to his very physical job. He made a full recovery and tried to get his job back, but they had filled the position. He not only lost a job that he loved and excelled at, but his ability to provide for his family. Heather and John used up all of their savings.  They became unable to maintain their household on a single salary. They lost their home. They moved in with friends. They got by with the help of their family and friends.

John is the happy go lucky one in his family. No one would ever suspect John to suffer from depression. Not only has John suffered from depression, but he has suffered from suicidal thoughts. People always assume that individuals with mental health or substance abuse issues are the only ones that are at risk for having suicidal tendencies. That is what Heather thought. Heather was wrong. John became difficult to be around. He was even harder to live with. She had no idea what he was struggling with. Heather did not give up on him. She was not aware of the full extent of what he was going through. Heather loved him no matter what. Against all odds. You walk through the fire together.

There are two endings to this story. The first is that John didn't want to talk about his depression, nor his grief, embarrassment or shame at not being able to support his new family. He kept his feelings hidden and suffered in silence.  He became so depressed that he started to feel like ending it all would be a better solution for his family. He made the decision to end his life. Heather's dreams were dashed, her new happy ever after over, and the love of her life gone with barely a beginning.

The second is that John didn't want to talk about his depression, nor his grief, embarrassment or shame, at not being able to support his new family. He kept his feeling hidden and suffered in silence.  He became so depressed that he started to feel like ending it all would be better for his family. John realized that he needed to get help. He realized that the way he was feeling was bad, and nothing was worth ending his life. She was worth it. He was worth it. They were worth it. John chose life. John chose Heather. He made the call that ended up saving his life. He sought help and got a new job. They are in a new home all their own. Life is back to a new and healthier normal. Back to the happily ever after they both so richly deserve.

You walk through the fire together.

Which way will you choose?

John chose his family. John chose life. John chose to reach out and get help. Will you?

September was National Suicide Prevention Month. John was a life saved in September.

If you know anyone who suffers from depression or may be suicidal, jot down the following. It can save a life. It saved John's. Don't suffer in silence. Get help.

                      

*Thanks to John and Heather for sharing their story. John hopes that sharing his story will help others realize that they are not alone.*

Lucky Birthday Girl

My last post was about the dreading of my birthday, because it was my first birthday without my mother.  I am happy to report that there were minimal tears, and I had a wonderful day filled with those that love me.  I did have a tear filled cry when I spoke with my Nana, my mother's mother, because she truly understands the loss of my mother like no one else can.  She, my mother, and I used to be a threesome.  We were all best friends.  We did everything together.

   My mother in law (MeeMee)knows what I have been through, better than anyone aside from my father, and my husband.  She has been there for me since the day my mom died.  She has been there for me and with me on almost every monthly anniversary of my mom's passing.  Yesterday was no different.  She made plans to come down to Kentucky(from where she lives in W.Va.)and take me shopping, because that is what my mom would have done.  She enlisted help and the best babysitter in the world, her mother, my daughter's great grandmother.  She is crazy about Hayden, my almost four year old.  So they came down yesterday, bearing a cake, candles, cards, and deviled eggs.  Mamaw's specialty!  So off we went to go shopping.  I found a beautiful quilted wall hanging, with our wedding scripture beautifully done in embroidery. My mother in law bought it for me along with the matching wall hanger. We had a great time, and my husband met us for lunch.  My daughter ended up with birthday presents too! Her birthday is exactly a week after mine. We agreed that it was much funner to shop for little ones!                                                                                   

 

    When we returned, My daughter had made a birthday card for me and also had a balloon for me.  She wanted to put candles in the cake and help me blow them out. I then received a rousing three year old rendition of Happy Birthday(for the third time), accompanied by my MIL and GMIL.  Mamaw(GMIL) had done the dishes, which was not necessary!  Mamaw then gave me a card and wham money from she and her husband. Then they left to go back to W.Va., to avoid evening traffic! Then I called my Nana to chat and have a little cry.
   The three year old and I had just laid down for a much needed nap, when a strange number rang my cell phone.  I answered it, and it was the local florist asking directions to our house.  So the three year old and I trotted to the door, because the deliveryman was in the neighborhood.  I received the most beautiful

red roses from my father.  Hayden, my three year old, who will have her birthday party on Saturday(three days after my birthday), also received flowers.  She received four perfect red roses from my dad, her Grandpa.  When she held the vase, she said,"oh wow...I never got flowers before!"  So sweet of my daddy!  So then I told her the story.  The story of how when I was four and my mother got flowers from my father for Valentine's Day, I said," How come I didn't get any flowers?"  Well mom and I were his special girls, so starting that year, when I was four, my daddy sent me flowers on my birthday.  He has sent me flowers each year on my birthday ever since.  So I told my daughter how very special she was to be getting from flowers from Grandpa for her birthday!  A beloved tradition for a new generation. It was so very special  that my daddy remembered and sent her roses for her fourth birthday.  Just like me when I was turning four!  It meant so much to me!  She is too young to understand the significance now, but I will tell her when she is older. Mom was smiling down on him and us from heaven. Mom and I were always my Daddy's girls. Now that my mother is no longer with us, Hayden and I are his special girls.  So my mother too, had a part in my birthday. 

  My husband took me out to dinner the night before my birthday, and he and my daughter had gotten me flowers in our wedding colors, red, orange, and yellow, earlier in the week.  He also took us out to dinner on my birthday, and bought me a new bottle of  yummy smelling perfume.  He also took me to my twenty year class reunion a week and a half before my birthday, where we spent way to much money! I must say I am definitely blessed in the man department! I have a super sweet, thoughtful , loving, husband who always puts me first, and spoils me rotten!  I also have a super sweet, thoughtful, loving daddy, who likes to spoil me too! I am also blessed to have such a sweet, caring, thoughtful mother in law, who puts everyone before herself, and takes care of us all.  It was awesome of her to plan something for my birthday in advance, without my little one, out of the house, with family who understood, who I could cry with if I needed to.  And she wanted me to have a special present that meant something to me! Thank God for her and her efforts to make sure I had a super awesome day!  It meant more than she will ever know! I would like to also mention what a sweet, caring, thoughtful grandmother in law I have.  She also, like her daughter, wanted to make sure I had an awesome day on my birthday!
  So there are a few other late night unmentionable presents that I received from dear old hubbie, that I will not mention in this blog, but they were much appreciated!  I would like to thank everyone who took part big or small, in making sure I had a wonderful birthday, this first year without my mother.  I love each and every one of you more than words can express with a simple 'thank you'.  I am blessed to have so many people who care so much about me in my life.  I am very thankful!  I am a lucky girl!