Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Even More Things I Have learned From Breaking My Leg

  1. How not to bruise your hands when navigating through doorways.
  2. How to balance breakfast and lunch on your elevated and braced leg while in a wheelchair.                                                                                                                             
  3. This broken leg thing sucks!                                     
  4. How to calculate the exact angles and distance required to open the refrigerator door.
  5. How to balance the 4yo on your lap while in the wheelchair, without touching the broken leg.
  6. How to get ones purse or bag off of the back of the wheelchair.
  7. How to hold ones phone and walk on crutches at the same time.
  8. How to successfully get in and out of he front door, and navigate the step with a crutch /chair combo.
  9. That there is no charge for a wheelchair hanger.  However there is a charge for replacements.  Like these are hot ticket theft items? Who knew?                                      
  10. That even if one possesses a wheelchair hanger, that there will never be a handicap spot open.
  11. How to run over one's own foot(the good one) while in the wheelchair.
  12. To never wait until the last minute to go to the bathroom, there is no hurrying with crutches or a wheelchair.
  13. That when you do postpone the ordeal of going to the bathroom, there will inevitably be a down lid, the lifted seat, or pee on the seat, that will require the extra three seconds, that would have allowed you to just make it in time. Need I say more?
  14. That on one side of the street is a wheelchair ramp, and when one gets across the crosswalk, there are stairs...wtf? Seriously?
  15. That the people  who design handicap bathrooms have NEVER spent time in a wheelchair.  I mean seriously, how am I suppose to turn around, hop out, navigate , hop, get over the foot and leg rests, and how is my 4yo suppose to have room to  trade me sides? Further more, in accessible stalls, when on crutches, a fold down seat would be nice for the mommas precariously balancing on one foot, who have to wait 20 minutes on their darling child's stories , singing , etc to poop. Mommas break bones too, and it doesn't get us out of poop duty!
  16. How very much I value my removable shower head and shower chair(that my darling father figured out how to adjust, so it would fit facing forward)!
  17. That people will, rather conspicuously I might add,circle you in your wheelchair or on crutches three times, just to get a good look at what is wrong with you. Outright gawking. Just ask and I will be happy to tell you what happened, but stop already with the staring, your starting To freak me out that your a pedophile,  and serial killer or rapist that preys on the disabled, and small children(cause it's not like I could chase you).
  18. That all doors(without the handicap electronic button)are a pain in the ass.
  19. That it is impossible to reach the back half of the bottom dishwasher rack while seated in a wheelchair with your broken leg elevated.
  20. That climbing is impossible, especially into your 4yo's princess bunk bed.
  21. That I hate missing Fall, going outside everyday, and all the activities in that season(ie pumpkin Patch, corn maze, trick or treating, the Pumpkin House, etc)that are not conducive to crutches or wheelchairs.
  22. Running over my toe again this morning with my own wheelchair, yes, while seated in it! Ouch!                                  
  23. That the wheelchair has become a new toy tunnel for the 4yo to crawl under, when it"s blocking her path.
  24. Still working on the how to navigate without hitting the doors, molding, walls, and not leaving black wheel rub marks everywhere.
  25. That spiders on the wheelchair freak me out.
  26. That the Titanic may not have been 'unsinkable' but the Titanic Museum broke my wheelchair.
  27. That cable ties fix anything, even the wheelchair that the Titanic broke.
  28. That old time photo places are experts at knowing how to dress up your wheelchair.                          
  29. That driving is an impossibility when your right leg is broken.
  30. That balancing your crutches on you and your wheelchair can be done when the footrest is broken off(from your darling hubbie playing in it), however difficult, while rolling yourself around. (Normally one balances the crutches on the footrest and opposite shoulder, while rolling, or has family member who broke the footrest off carry said crutches.)
  31. That my next million dollar idea will be a crutch cup holder, and velcro on crutch bag for carrying things. Because lets be honest, other than stuffing things in your bra, there is no good way to carry things while on crutches.
  32. That your insurance carrier will always wait until something catastrophic happens to request a certificate for proof of coverage from your previous carrier, no matter how long it has been!(a year and a half) They will try to get out of paying for anything!
  33. That I love being able to bend my brace, knee and leg again!  Even if it's only forty degrees, some semblance of semi-normal sex is possible again! That's what I'm talking about! Whoo Hoo! And no, there will be no accompanying photo for that one!
  34. The WalMart electric buggies are the bomb! 

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