A Night In the Life... The Commando PooPocalypse

This afternoon I decided that I wanted to watch the movie 'This Is 40'. I am obviously getting more forgetful as I age because I forgot the opening scene was the main couple, ahem, coupling in the shower. I immediately turned it off when the almost 6yo sauntered into the living room. Nope, that one does not miss a thing.

almost 6yo-"Mommy what are they doing?"
Mommy-"Uuummm...wrestling in the shower!'
almost 6yo-"That better not be the Daddy's butt!"
Mommy-"It's not honey, it's the Mommy's."
almost 6yo-"Okay, pppfffeeeeyyyyyeeeeewwww!"(what she adorably still says instead of pschew!)

Then after cleaning all day, in the course of Hubbie the Dearest getting home, eating dinner, and leaving for the mart of Wals, our house turned into a three ringed circus.

We were almost out of toilet paper, both Lil Punkin Doo and I are getting over a bout of the icky tum tums, and we had Mexican for dinner. We both run for the bathroom at exactly the same moment.  Me edging her out, but only because she offered to step aside and let dear old mom go first. I just turned forty you know?  I am looking forward to my golden cougar age, and she has me already at geriatric! Stinking kids! Or in this case, stinking mommy!

So I proceeded to blow up the bathroom, and use the last of the tissues.  All the while being engaged in semi-meaningful five year old conversation. And pay attention because there will be a quiz.

You know because we can never be that family that buys a shitload(pun intended) of toilet paper in advance of the impending PooPocalype.  We are that family that uses every last slip of toilet paper, tissue, baby wipee, and Sears catalog down to the last drop you know? So as I flush and the child rings in her turn, I dropped the bomb on her, baby.  Yes that's right, I did.  Mommy used the last of it. I advised her that dear old dad would be back in a few minutes, to take her time.

So I flipped my britches off, meaning to put on my jammies, bypassed the bedroom, and hurried straight to the kitchen to do the dishes before HTD returned. Because oh, you know, Mom brain.  Flitting from one thing to the next, and then the next , and so on.  Not you too? Just me? Mkay.

So as I am doing dishes I realize my Hub always told me it would be sexeh if I did the dishes naked.  So I decided that half naked counts! So as I am elbow deep in bubbles, a la' commando from the waist down, thinking sexeh thoughts for hubbie's return, that is when it begins.

The almost 6yo starts singing opera style at the top of her lungs, and she has some major big lungs people! It is a cross between Frozen songs and Rapunzel, with a touch of Ariel and Under the Sea thrown in for good measure.  And then the Fidget thing starts singing too.  But a totally different song.  And then the Furby Boom wakes up.  So there is madness going on in our house,  This goes on for about twenty minutes, because my youngest child is like her father, and did not take reading material or a tablet to potty with her so as to speed the PooMageddon along, but was accompanied by LalaLoopsies.  So as I go to check on her, she wants me to cop a squat in front of her and play dollies while we wait.  Ah, no thanks, but thanks. It stinks in here.

I furiously search for her some tissues in my purse, and lucked out, a pocket pack.  Then began the begging, "Please wipe me Mommy!!!" Another big no! And a big girl lecture. So I come back to resume the dishes, I finally put on my jammies on the way, and finish up.  Next up is flushing so as not to stop up the toilet! Don't forget to tune in next time!

Hope you enjoyed! Muah!

40-What it's Like at the Top of the Hill

Today is my fortieth birthday.

There will be no call at 11:29am, telling me happy birthday from my mother.  My grandmother did not remember my birthday for the first time, when I called her today, as she is slowly and steadily declining, as she approaches ninety, and there will be no big celebratory party for me tonight.

As I have been through the rounds of my closest friends and acquaintances fortieths, I have found that either your mother plans your big party, or you do it yourself.  I opted out of the big celebratory birthday party, and have opted for quiet dinners and lunches with those friends and family that are still close to and mean the most to me.

Every major milestone birthday I have ever had, I had my mother with me.  This is the first one without her. I just want to ask her how she felt when she turned forty. From the time I was little, I always teased her about being almost fifty.  As I got older, she returned the favor by teasing me that I was almost forty, from the time I turned thirty.  How I wish she was around today to tease me about being old.

I woke up this morning to my almost 6yo, lil punkin doo, making me waffles with peanut butter, bananas and strawberries.  I opened her present that she handmade for me. I then videotaped her singing of Happy Birthday to me. There is nothing more precious than time with her because I know that these times are numbered and happen once in a lifetime. Like one of my mommas favorite songs states, precious memories. The Barbara Streisand version....

 

 

Hubbie the dearest and my lil punkin doo have cooked up a relaxed, precious memories filled day, and then HTD is sweeping me out of town to an undisclosed location for the weekend.  A quiet us weekend, filled with more precious memories. Happy interspersed with sadness.

I am not stressing, freaking out or partying like I was twenty one again for my fortieth birthday.  I am proud of the strong, battle scarred woman who has made it to forty without regret.  I have made it through the good, the bad and the ugly and I am still standing.  I have been well off, I have been broke, I have been whole and I have been broken, I have had a child, lost a child, lost a mother, and survived.  I have survived a grandmother like my second mother, moving five hours away and two teenagers.  I have been my mothers caregiver, and watched her deteriorate, and ultimately had to step up and try to fill her shoes upon her passing.  I have fulfilled my promises to not let my baby forget her precious GranGran, and to take care of my father after my mother left him in my care.  I have survived being disowned by my brother and his family, only to embrace my three half siblings and biologic father. I have survived the IRS, lawsuits, losing jobs, changing jobs, my daughter starting school, her first girlfriends betrayal, and job relocation and moving frequently. I survived a broken leg, a state away from anyone we knew, no babysitters or helpers, or family anywhere close. I am a survivor.  One with many precious memories.

I celebrate wonderful, fabulous me today.  I am a happy go lucky gal with a glass half full attitude.  I am very blessed with family and friends. I look for the silver lining and make the best out of every situation. I have a wicked sense of humor, would give you the shirt off my back if you needed it, and am successfully filling my mothers shoes. I am a mother, lover, wife, friend, daughter, granddaughter, niece, daughter in law, granddaughter in law, swim mom, dance mom, music mom, homeroom helper, good girl, bad girl, ornery girl, and one heck of  a woman to know and love.  I am a lady first and foremost, and will always have a smile for  you or any stranger on the street. 

Today, as I am turning forty, I love me.  Exactly the way I am.  I am proud of me for all that I have accomplished and overcome.  I am happy to have made it this far!  I am proud of my forty years and all the precious memories and people that the last forty years have contained. I choose to measure myself by my strength, my character, and not the size of my waistline. That was how I was raised.


So officially I am at the top of the hill! Today I will celebrate me, with a few tears of rememberance and a little celebrating.  Here's to the next forty! Oh and I am definitely looking forward to this cougar thing! Wink! I still got it!