Dear Moms Who Didn't,
I am a mother of a beautiful, smart, fun, energetic, loves to learn, and loves school good girl. I am so very proud of her bravery and resiliency this past four days. I am so very proud of her. I am writing to you today, to beg you to have those uncomfortable conversations with your sons. My daughter has lost a piece of her innocence that she will never get back, due to the uncomfortable conversation you did not want to have or did not think was necessary yet with your son.
My daughter, my little sunshine was sexually harassed this past week at school by a boy in her class who sits beside her. I found out that she has a photographic memory when she traced his name in the air for me while she was seeing that name tag, that will forever be emblazoned in her mind. She was scared to tell me what had happened, the day that it happened. She endured another day of sitting beside of and in close proximity to this child, who stole her innocence. She told me what had happened this past weekend. I was so very glad that I had already been prepared to deal with this, from my own experience.
I had several conversations with my baby this summer about private parts staying private, that they were hers only. If a boy or girl wants to show you his or see yours, just say no. That is completely inappropriate, especially at school. This was coupled in with the always tell your teacher, and stranger danger talk.
I was a victim of a sexual predator when I was seven. Thank Goodness my Mom had the same talk with me that I have had with my daughter, or else I may have not known to repeatedly refuse my family member's insistence that I cooperate with him. I too have felt that uncomfortable fear, and been scared of the person who took me to that new world where intimidation, inappropriateness and harassment reside. I too have been to that dark place my child. It has well prepared me for how to help you now.
I am brokenhearted for you, my sweet innocent baby. This is something Mommy cannot ever take away. I cannot take away the memory of the boy asking you if you wanted to see his DICK, I cannot take away the new crude word that was insensitively and inappropriately introduced into your vocabulary. I cannot take away that sense of being too scared to tell your Mommy what had happened, and as soon as it happened. I can only comfort and reassure you that you did the right thing in telling me, and reassure you that you did nothing wrong. And I can take care of the issue by going to the school.
A part of my child's innocence has been stolen, and it is your fault Mom. I blame the mother and father of the boy who did this. They did not want to have an "uncomfortable" conversation, or didn't care enough to prepare their child on how to behave properly with other children in a school setting. I am brokenhearted, but I also so angry that I could scream!
You do not know what damage can be done to little children's psyches, when this sort of thing happens. Some blow it off, and say kids will be kids. I say educate and prepare your kids, to prevent this sort of thing from happening. It can have long term consequences.
My 15 year old cousin was babysitting me when I was seven, and I loved and trusted him completely. Then one night he asked me to do him a favor. I said sure. he asked me to lay naked on top of him, suck his dick, or to kiss him like the grown ups do. I knew the first one was bad and wrong. I told him I didn't know what the middle one meant and he kept repeating," yes you do". I was a good girl too, no I did not! I refused to do anything, I knew they were wrong. He insisted. So he kissed me like the grown ups do and stuck his tongue in my mouth. I screamed and ran to my room, and locked myself in, until my mom and dad returned home. He threatened me that if I told anyone, he would kill my mom and dad.
As a result, I was a late bloomer, very timid of boys. When I did start having real relationships, I had a really hard time trusting men. After the first one that I trusted broke my heart, it took a long time for me to really open up and trust again. The second time I trusted, years later, I ended up marrying him. While I was in my dating but not trusting phase, I adopted a guys attitude about dating. I used a lot of men, and broke a lot of hearts. I can, in part, say it was due to some deep seated issues with trust, and the female power struggle within me, always wanting to be in control, so no man could hurt me again.
So I am brokenhearted for my baby to have to deal with something similar at such a tender young age. But when I told her I understood, that it had happened to me too, we instantly became comrades. She understood that I really and truly understood on a level that no one can understand, unless you have been there.
I was never the same. I dreaded family functions where I would have to see this cousin, and was introverted to the point of making myself sick to my stomach with worry. I began using food as a coping mechanism, to self soothe, and to swallow it down and toughen up. Everyone else acted like nothing had ever happened, and so I had to as well. I will not allow that to happen with my daughter. I will teach her to be strong, always say no, and that she did nothing wrong. If she needs to talk about it, then we will discuss it. I will be there for her, and nothing will be swept under the rug. I know exactly what damage even the slightest of sexual harassment can do to a young child, and I will do everything in my power to be there for her and support her in whatever she needs. I can only hope and pray that she suffers no lasting deep seated issues with boys because of your child's actions.
SO to the Mom who did not have the talk with her son, the school will be having the discussion for you. What was absolutely necessary of you as a parent, is being provided to your son courtesy of the school counselor, because you failed to have an uncomfortable conversation. Because of your inability to communicate, my daughter has suffered. I pray to God that you are a good person, because I worry about your son also. I worry about the boy and what he might have to endure at yours or another's hands, that makes him think this behavior is ok. I worry that he is a latch key kid, and has no adult supervision. He is only five. And he thought that his behavior was acceptable. Or maybe he knew it wasn't and did it anyway. I have been on my knees a lot these last three days praying for my baby and for your son.
Sincerely.
The Brokenhearted Mom
