Friday, May 3, 2013

Potty Wars

Does anyone else have the Potty Wars going on in their house? Well we do!  What are the Potty Wars you ask? Well it is the constant back and forth of anything potty related in our house.  We have two potties in our house.  One flushes awesomely, and the other, not so much.  The other clogs if you look at it the wrong way! Seriously! If you have to poop, it decides it will clog before the first turd goes plop!  Whenever you pee and then have your little one pee, both before flushing, it never turns out good.  Two pieces of toilet paper=clogged.

Flushing the potty wakes everybody in the house up at 3 in the morning. One of our toilets clogs all the time. My hub didn't , intentionally didn't, unclog the toilet, before going to work the other morning! Leaving us with one potty. Gggrrr. So it was on like Donkey Kong! I peed in the toilet several times leaving a mound of paper behind mine and my daughters sweet little tushies!

I know you are all thinking, how much paper are they using? It doesn't matter! Enough to not get anything on my hands!(mental image=blek)Not that much! But if it took a whole roll, then, and I am talking to the mommies who have earned their Mommy Poo Badge out there, I would use any amount of toilet paper in the world , not to get another poo-hand, or poo-fingernail ever, ever again! I know all you Poobadge mommies know exactly where I am coming from! The Potty trenches!

In the middle of the night, so as not to wake my oh so not sound sleepers, I do not flush.  Then when Hubbie the Dearest rises to get ready for work, he fusses about the non flushed potty. Really? It smells? Okay, shut up! Go stick your hand in someone elses SH$% while wiping our child's derriere, and then come talk to me about gross. Like under your fingernail gross! Or wiping a baby booty and more comes squishing out! Over and over! Or sitting down in someone elses pee on the seat, or taking a plunge into the rim of the bowl at 3am, because someone didn't put the seat down AGAIN! So excuse me if I don't seem all that concerned that I make you do all the plunger work! Mean ol' Mommy!

Plunging is fair payback for leaving the toilet seat up in my book.  Plus I could argue that it saves water! I learned it from watching Hubbie the Dearest's grandmother! Dearest grandmother can do no wrong in HTD's book, so there! It's all on her! Wink!

Then there are the giant forearm size pieces of pipe that my 4yo lays about every 2-3 weeks.  Seriously, giant, straight, super long feats of nature.  Should they curl or something? I mean un-effing -natural.  Huge, ginormous! I have never pooped a sinker that big in my life! Ever! I swear! So technically, I could blame her pipe laying on the frequently clogged toilets, well and that she gets the cucumber turds from HTD, because our middle child used to do the same damn thing!(Kids 1 and 2 are my children of heart not biological.)  I mean really? Yukko! she is definitely keeping the sewer rats from starving!

I take pictures for her future arguments of, " No, mooooom, that never happened!" Or," I did not!"  Oh yes hunny bunny! Yes, Yes it did(as mom whips out the old camera)...See? Ol' mommies not crazy! I did take pictures for proof of what came out of you! Hah! ( Am I the only crazy mom that takes pictures of the weird and crazy(poop) things that happen in our lives??? I can't be!) Do I get the Mom of the year award yet? Huh, do I ?

The Potty Wars rage on.....What are the potty wars like at your house? I am dying to know!


  1. My parents have toilets that you can't leave unsupervised. If you flush and walk away, you take the chance of a lovely waterfall taking place upstairs...

    My daughter is the queen of what we like to refer to as the "Holy Cow" poops, because she holds those logs in for DAYS! I have never met a child more resistant to fiber.

    I don't always flush at night, lest my daughter come in to see what I'm doing-she is a VERY light sleeper!

    I'm sorry you're having Potty Wars! I hope it all gets better soon!

    1. Thanks SBW! The logging biz with the 4 and 5 yr old set is ree-dik-yoo-luss! Hah! Glad it is not just my lil princess manufacturing the linkin logs!

  2. I'm a master plunger! It's those old WV've gotta know how to work a plunger! The trick it get one of the big sturdy black plungers with the protruding lip, fill it with water and use the water to force the clog along. This only occasionally results in needing a shower in bleach - LOL! (I just ruined any chance you would try it, didn't I?)

  3. Hi I found you threw the Tuesday tea party. I'm now following you threw gfc and bloglovin:) I can completly relate, one of our toilets is the same way. My 2 older boys can clog a toilet like nothing: )