Friday, July 18, 2014
The few, the proud, the Marines. I have heard it a million times, and so have you. I have had friends that were Marines, dated a Marine for a heartbeat, and have always fully supported all branches of our military. But Marines are my favorite. Navy boys are right up there with them, talked to a few of them as well in my younger years. In the end, the USMC Summer Dress Uniform wins hands down as the single hottest uniform on the planet! Nothing like a man who lays down his very life for our country, defends our freedom, is a trained, well oiled machine, is that awesome with guns, and looks like that when they attend formal occasions! Pschew!
Now I am a very happily married gal, and Hubbie the Dearest thinks my fascination is adorable. He knows that I am his through and through. I think it is cute that he likes to look at pretty women and bikinis. We are that comfortable in our relationship, and both appreciate beauty, and often together.
With that being said, the Marines are calling and I must go. Tomorrow evening, we will find ourselves at a wedding smack dab in the middle of the largest military installation on the east coast, Camp Lejune, in North Carolina. At a USMC wedding. His sister will be marrying her marine.
If anyone needs me, I will be the redhead in a sundress with her family, on the brides side, drooling, in a diaper, looking a little glazed over. I will be in heaven! I usually cry at weddings, but I have a feeling that tomorrow, I will have to be carried out of there! I am also a chatty cathy type, but again, tomorrow I fear I will be in a red, white, black and blue induced coma! I will be the silent one with her legs crossed, trying to color with her 5yo at the kiddie table. Trying my damndest to keep my eyes on that picture I will be so fervently trying to color with my daughter, to keep her from asking why I am glazed and drooling again! Thank Goodness HTD will be there to drag me around and poke me when speaking is necessary! ERMAGERD!
If there is a receiving line....oh dear! Shaking hands with all those beautiful creatures, I will either have a heart attack, trip from staring too long, or not let go. I will be the next Melissa McCarthy character in her next upcoming film, 'How to Survive a Marine Wedding'! Thank goodness I will have my hubbie's hand to hold on one side, and my 5yo's on the other!
And I have no idea if there is dancing! Please God, hear my prayer, let there be no dancing! I am letting you know up front, there will be no controlling my hips when in a room full of USMC testosterone in dress uniforms. Perfect specimans that will be perfectly behaved in those white pants! Oh the white pants, just....pschew the white pants, and those jaw lines. Thank goodness I am not a guy, where my, shall we call it, edginess? Is not on full display. Hubbie the Dearest will get the biggest kick out of seeing me so , ahem, happy! Thank God for the man I married! And for his appreciation of my appreciation of our beautiful, hard working boys in uniform. OMG, does this make me a cougar? ACK! I, in three weeks, will be old enough to be some of their mothers. Okay, maybe that's the route I will take to survive this wedding! I could be their mother, I could be their mother.....I can look but I will not touch!(see receiving line paragraph above)
I WILL BE IN HEAVEN! Do you hear me? HEAVEN!
I will have to write a post wedding update letting you all know how it went! Oh but wait ! There is more! After that, whilst HTD goes back to work, my father . baby and I will be going to Virginia Beach for another vacation. Do you know what that means? Navy boys, lots and lots of Navy boys, and maybe a few marines. Beach, beach filled with armed services beauty, and me in my sunglasses taking it all in, while ahem, reading my book! Eye candy overload! Roll me over and stick a fork in me I will be done, do you hear me? Done! Le sigh...life is rough! Keep me in your prayers!
So to all my Marines and Navy boys past and present, that have touched my life in any way, I salute you!
To R and N, Congratulations! We love you!
**No actual upcoming Melissa McCarthy movies about Marines
Thursday, July 3, 2014
I miss you. I still miss you so much it hurts, when I let it. I have kept my promise. I have taken care of Daddy. We have turned travel into our way of bonding and making new memories. We stay busy in the summer traveling, and we have gotten as close as you, my baby and I were. We are still not whole and will never be again without you. But we are OK. There are still the days when my baby asks why her granny had to die and leave her. I cuddle her and try my best to explain it to her. I made a promise to you that I would never let her forget you, and I haven't, but the days that she asks me to tell her a granny story, because she cannot remember, cut me right to my very soul. I do my best to help her through her grief and be the strong one, and some days I simply cry with her. We have all been tested in the two and a half years since you passed, in various ways, and I am tired. I have had to be strong for every single person in my family, and I am tired. I have had to balance taking care of my husband and our family, and my daddy and our family as well. It is so very hard. The scale tipped in favor of one or the other several times, and I thank god that I have such wonderful, loving, understanding men in my life. It is so hard to juggle family time, dad time, in law time, and not leave someone wanting. We are so blessed with so many that love us, it is just a huge job , trying to take care of the well being of so many. I have a full time job of taking care of my daughter, a part time job, taking care of our family, taking care of daddy, trying to give the extended members of our family face time, and generally trying to keep everybody happy, that I have been exhausted.
I went back to work full time temporarily, Punkin Doo started and finished school, started and finished dance class and her first recital, was on the summer swim team and did well for her first year, and has attended her first musical camp. I have been a homeroom mom, a stage mom, a swim mom, and during every single practice, activity, rehearsal, class party and recital I have wished that you could see her. I know you would be so proud. I miss you mom. All the time. I wish you could be here to share it all with us.
I did not start this out as a boo-hop post, with the intention of crying the entire time, but rather a post to let you know that I am OK. I have submersed myself in busy these last two and a half years. I forced myself to march along for the first year of grief. Then it felt like I had achieved a major invisible milestone in the process, otherwise known as life after mom. Immediately after, two weeks after, I was able to walk again after breaking my leg and my husband left his executive job and we moved back to WV. We have had a full five year old year, and I have loved every minute of it. My greatest joy has been being a mommy, being way to much like you! It has been a rough year and a half in many other ways, we have been tested in almost every other way imaginable, and we have pulled through. We are resilient that man of mine and I. Nana broke her hip and we went to visit. Punk in doo helped her pull through her hip replacement surgery ordeal. I wish you could see her, she is everybody's little sunshine. She is so very many people's reason to smile! She is like us, my baby. Woodall women. A caretaker and a performer that girl!
So in all of the caretaking of everybody else in the last two and a half years, I feel like I lost or forgot myself a little. I was just trying so hard to keep everybody else afloat, I forgot to paddle. So I realized that I love myself, I love ME! In a series of going out for my bff's fortieth birthday bash, lunch with two of my best friends, and the first time having margaritas with my daddy, that I miss me! I am funny dammit! I have rediscovered me, who has been a little lost in the haze of motherhood, family hood, being smothered in a blanket of grief, and having to maintain the best PokerFace in the business in too many areas of my life and walk on tiptoes for too many people. I was always myself with you, and you always reminded me of how wonderful ME was. Well, now it is my job! But you know what? I am fabulous and I am back! I am now fine with taking a me afternoon and crying if I need to, I am fine saying no, I am fine letting people know when they are crossing the line, and I am fine with those family members who have taken it upon themselves to assume fault and cut my father and my immediate family out of their lives. We are down to dad, hub, me and kids, and we are just fine that way. You are in heaven, you and God can work on that family member's issues.
So while I still have all my titles and jobs, I am feeling a little more me than I have in awhile, and I finally had an afternoon to sit down alone, write raw, and pour it all out. I love you more than ever momma, and miss you like crazy. I am getting back to the me you raised!
Love, your daughter